I have been working in private practice for years. My clients tend to be driven, high achievers with high expectations who want the best possible outcomes for themselves and their lives. While everything on the outside looks fantastic, they are checking all the right boxes and achieving all the right things, on the inside they suffer from anxiety, fear of not being good enough, fear of
inadequacy and have become concerned they aren't happy enough or doing enough or being enough.
It seems that once we finish the big goals, high school, college, first job, first (or maybe final) significant relationship, raising children, starting your own business, car, house, we might wonder, "What's next?". It's as if you've been walking a very well defined path toward goals that mark success and you reach the vista and then it's wide, open space. You take stock, look around for a minute and think: "This is really beautiful, but what now?"
We work hard to get to a place in life where we are supposed to settle in and enjoy it but when striving and achieving is all we know, it is hard for our mind and body to embrace it. Then we have so many messages that offer all the right and wrong ways to do life and it gets confusing and overwhelming pretty fast.
Confusion, uncertainty and fear come together and wreak havoc on the inside no matter how right the outside looks and feels.
I started a therapeutic coaching business, Be Well and Wise, to help those struggling through life transitions and have this to share:
Feeling uncertain and uncomfortable are part of the human experience. You don't get a pass on this. It might mean you have some adjustments to make or some things to work through but it doesn't always mean you are doing anything wrong.
Checking all the right boxes may still leave you unfilled. Reassess and realign with your values and start taking small, values driven action.
You can settle into life and prepare for the long game without compromising drive, achievement or high expectations. Consider the role of your expectations and if you are in a healthy relationship with them. You can adjust your relationship without adjusting your expectations.
Transitions are a process, not something with a clearly defined end goal or maker of completion. This is a mindset shift and takes time to fully engage and allow yourself to be uncomfortable and uncertain.
Change the question from "What am I doing?" to "How am I being?" Another mindset shift that is critical once you realize you are ready for, or it is time for change.
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(Photo was taken in Costa Rica after being dropped off at a place where we were supposed to have accommodations but was closed and uninhabited. I was with my friend and our children and we suddenly found ourselves alone, uncomfortable and uncertain but it sure was beautiful.)